Punters and Pushers

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-the-cancelled-promotion-the-difficult-friend-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34820

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My promotion was canceled because of budget … but I’m still doing the work

Ultimately, my promotion did end up going through! My manager really went to bat for me and pointed out the terrible optics of cancelling promotions that were already announced to people, and was able to get the decision reversed.

I’m really thankful that I have such a great manager who was willing and able to stand up for us, and that the lab leadership listened and made a change. I did talk to my manager about the lead title, but ultimately there isn’t a good standard for who gets the titles and who doesn’t. Instead I decided to refocus my priorities on the work that is actually my responsibility and strategically let go of some of the extra work I was doing.

In the end, the main project I was on had a sudden decrease in funding (this is a natural part of the way these projects work, but this one was at a suboptimal time.) I was moved off the project, but thanks to the extra work I was doing and the role I was playing for outside collaborators, I was specifically requested by project leadership to stay on part-time! (I was given other work so I am still working full time, just not on one project anymore.)

Unfortunately, the funding situation is still hairy. They are discussing potential layoffs in our division unless some additional projects come through (which likely won’t happen before the federal government reopens.) However, it was definitely worth putting in the extra work in the end, both because I was able to secure the promotion and because it has put me in a place where I am well regarded and needed on several projects and therefore less sensitive to funding changes.

So ultimately, the situation is still a little precarious, but it’s working out so far for me! Thank you for your advice, it was helpful to take a step out of the emotional side and look at things pragmatically.

2. Quitting when I work for a (difficult) friend (#2 at the link)

I wrote in to get a script about how to step down from management, but potentially stay on as a Sunday bartender for an owner who previously had a bad reaction from me quitting her cleaning business.

I will say, I have said nothing yet to her, as it is not yet the end of the football season I referenced. I await the time to do so. She has hired another front-of-house manager, who “as a man” she believes more than me … which is infuriating, and will be mentioned as part as my stepping down when I do so. Which won’t be until February at the latest.

3. People complain that I don’t want to be at work social events

I wrote about my boss talking to me about how others perceive me in relation to work social events. Specifically, that people have commented to him that I don’t seem too excited about them. I confess that is true; I don’t really enjoy them, but I still go. The impression I have gotten from my boss is that I should like them, not merely be present for them.

My workplace is a unique one, but I’m disinclined to describe it in detail for anonymity. Suffice it to say, it is not at all toxic. People are lovely. We work well and we generally get along. There is no politicking or rumor mongering. It’s a nonprofit, and we’re all there for our cause.

I have considered my attitude. I spoke to one of my reports who has always been honest with me. He said he thinks one of the issues is my face — I definitely have RBF. So, when I feel neutral, my face says otherwise. I will try to work on “forcing” a smile, so that people don’t think I hate being there.

I’ve also realized that I’ve allowed familiarity to cause me to be less careful in how plainly I speak — when someone asks what I think of something, I don’t tend to sugarcoat anything. I’m not a jerk who just “tells it like it is,” but I may be less diplomatic than I could be. I decided to address this by paying much closer attention, and being less forthright. I’ve set reminders so that I won’t forget that people don’t need to hear my opinions. I think this will help guard my tongue.

In all, I still love my org. I enjoy the people I work with. I still don’t care for the social stuff, but I will try to address the perception.

4. What to say when declining an offer because of the health insurance (#5 at the link)

By the time I sent my question in, I had already emailed them declining the offer without mentioning the health insurance issue. However, reading your response and many of the comments, it seemed like that would have been good feedback for them.

I got a call from the head of the company a few days later asking why I had rejected the offer. I explained the situation and he put me in touch with their HR and benefits coordinator to see if there was any solution to be had. Although I really appreciated the effort and all the help they were willing to provide, we couldn’t really come to a solution. The health insurance provider they use has a reputation among doctors and professionals for being extremely slow with prior authorizations and I have multiple medications that I rely on that require PAs on an annual basis. Because potentially going months without those prescriptions wasn’t an option, and because getting insurance myself would effectively mean a significant pay cut, I ultimately declined the job (I did see the advice in the comments about asking for more money — while I was candid with the folks I spoke to about what the added cost of getting my own plan would mean for me, it didn’t seem like there was enough room in the salary range to cover the gap).

I am endlessly frustrated by the entire health insurance system in this country, especially the fact that the coverage you receive is entirely dependent on what your employer has chosen. I feel like my employment options are limited both by my health insurance needs and my need to work remotely because of chronic conditions. The good news is, I wasn’t applying to this job because I felt like I needed to leave my current role. I am still doing a job I love with great people, and getting my meds and doctor visits covered.

The post updates: the cancelled promotion, the difficult friend, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-the-cancelled-promotion-the-difficult-friend-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34820