The J-Blo Drinking Game

[evildrem]

Well you don't have to drink, you can award yourself points instead but personally, if I have to wade through her posts to play then I have to drink..

1 drink = 1 point
2 drinks = 2 points
1 glass = 10 points
1 bottle = 100 points
Champagne = 1000 points


Right then:

Take one drink every time she mentions that she is looking for fanfic with depth and characterisation.

Take one drink every time she mentions that kink!fic is a bad thing which distorts characters, leads to addiction and will make you go blind.

Take one drink when she changes her arguments and implies that the list members are stupid and/or mean.

Take one drink every time she mentions she is very busy.

Take one drink every time she mentions the X-Files fandom. Bonus drink if she mentions Scully or any other fandom.

Take two drinks every time she mentions her "actor friend"

Take two drinks if she implies that the list members are sexually immature and/or twisted and evil.

Take two drinks every time she mentions she is writing a pro novel.

Take two drinks when she mentions she is only interested in Methos. Bonus point if she asks why there is not more fic about Dr Benjamin Adams and finish the glass if she states that Methos was the Leader of the Horsemen.

Take three drinks everytime she mentions Percy Shelley. Bonus drink if she mentions Byron or one of the other romantic poets at the same time and finish the glass if she goes on to say how badly represented Shelley was in 'The Modern Prometheus'.

Finish your drink if she mentions Alexander The Great and the bottle if she mentions how noble and honorable he was despite being a warlord.

Finish your drink if she mentions that anal sex is all about the pain and there is no need for lube. Bonus drink for every other personal detail about her sex life that is given in an effort to make us believe she has one.

Finish your drink if she mentions any of the following: Being supported by the lurkers in email, the Nazis, the kids that were mean to her at school, how much she has traveled.

Finish the bottle if she mentions chakras. Bonus drink for each and every pseudo-mystical or pseudo-intellectual reference made.

Finish the bottle if she mentions she is a teacher. Bonus drink for anytime she uses this to justify her delusions.

Finish the bottle if she mentions death threats being made against her. Bonus extra drink if she provides a link to one of the Fic!Bitches Live Journals to illustrate this.

Finish two bottles if any of the thread gets fandom_wanked

Finish the bottle if she mentions having "friends" who were into BDSM 'back in the day when'. Break bottle and threaten monitor screen if she then suggests she has 'grown out of BDSM'.

Break out a bottle of champagne when she gets banned and wails that the fandom will be poorer for the loss of her voice.

The game is then over.

Then tot up your points, randomly snog all list members and live journal fen and marvel at all the pretty new icons.

Write me some porn

*grins*

Comments

[tritorella.livejournal.com]

But are you really prepared to take responsiblity for the outbreak of alcoholism your game will create among HL fans?

Honest to god, that woman makes me wish I hadn't stopped writing HL fic, just so I could stop all over again and announce it's so I don't accidently write anything that might fit into her narrow and tedious critera. Narrower than her arse, because of course, her head can fit up that.

I want to start a pool for betting on how long it will be before she's banned from every HL list and/or announces that she has to leave HL forever because it's not stimulating her chakra/making her money/permitting her to wank on everyone else's dime. I was thinking two weeks, but now? I suspect it might be less.

Hey I'm Evil...

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

I encourage kink!fic addiction and all round badness. Why should be worried about encouraging alcoholism *grins*

Besides, I had to find some way of making wading through her interminable wank fun. Then I thought I'd share the fun!

You still subbed to ODM? I'm off to find one ofher posts and see what score I get? Care to join me?

[crowie.livejournal.com]

Hah! that made my morning/afternooon, I think you could get roaring drunk on just one of her posts (the longer ones).

Im just glad I dont live inside her head. What a horrible place to be *shudders*

You could definitely get very pissed on one post..

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

Am sorely tempted to put this game to use when I get home...

Hmmm, I think Sonia would be forced to moderate my large but nevertheless pert arse however should I decide to post my findings to the list.

*sighs*

I don't even wanna think about what its like in J-Blo's head however...

Ack!

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

ahahahah.

You know, her BDSM comments make me think of a scathing Gore Vidal essay about someone who believed that "mature" sex consisted naturally of plain-vanilla penis-vagina sex. I should go dig out my copy of Sexually Speaking and re-read that essay; it had me rolling on the floor.

I think I know the one you mean actually..

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

*grins*

The whole BDSM commentary on CritEdge had me spitting blood. Its one of the reasons I had to withdraw from commenting or I'd have just degenerated into screaming abuse.

Sad really that I should let such an idjit get under my skin like that, but there just is something about that woman which makes me want to kill, maim and destroy.

[beeej.livejournal.com]

:::kisses you madly:::

I don't think I'd be able to add up the points by the time I got done, I'll be way to wasted to count! All I'd really want to do at that point is find a hot little PWP with no redeeming characteristics other than to get me really hot and enjoy the hell out of it. ;-)

Sounds like a very good plan actually..

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

If you haven't read carenejeans chocolate fic on ROG-L then I'd recommend that as fitting nicely into the hot PWP catagory!

Perhaps we could play the drinking game for real in February *grins*

Re: Sounds like a very good plan actually..

[carenejeans.livejournal.com]

Say, thanks! But it has a plot! Methos comes home armed with somewhat pyschedelic chocolates to seduce Duncan. His scheme works, the end. See? Plot. Okay, never mind.*g*

Love your drinking game, but yikes. We're going to need some serious drying-out after she finally gets banned. Instead of Escapade, we'll all be at the Betty Ford Clinic.

Re: Sounds like a very good plan actually..

[beeej.livejournal.com]

And it was a lusiously delicious plot. ;-) BTW, where *does* he get those chocolates? I want some of those!

Re: Sounds like a very good plan actually..

[beeej.livejournal.com]

We're gonna have way better reasons/excuses to get drunk in February without bringing her into the mix!

[ev-vy.livejournal.com]

*snogs you randomly*

[beeej.livejournal.com]

What is it with you and I and the strangely similar icons? LOL! I guess it's true, GMTA!

*snogs you back*

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

With great joy!

[moljn.livejournal.com]

Now, that's just marvelous. One minute I'm checking email, the next I'm dead from alcohol poisoning. My obituary's gonna suck.

Yeah but at least you died happy...

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

Anyways, you could always pick something suitably weak to use as the alcohol of choice.

*thinks*

Mind you, even then you'd probably still get horribly drunk. I dunno maybe you could accuse J-Blo of trying to kill *you* by making you drink so much during this game?

*grins*

Re: Yeah but at least you died happy...

[moljn.livejournal.com]

*is dead from apple cider*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh, was someone allowed to wank this? Because I could have compiled a post, man, a poat to rival all others. But I am of the wank, so I would be wanked for wanking, but it might just be worth it.

Man...::shuffles feet:: I wanted this to me on F_W so bad.