Let's talk about sex..

[evildrem]

Okay people, this has been prompted by a number of conversations I seem to have had recently.

*1* How do you deal with educating your partner in your sexual needs?

*2* How do you go about finding out if your partner is enjoying themselves or enjoying what you are doing?

*3* Would you be offended if your partner made suggestions on how to improve your sexual relationship?

I'd love some input here from all of you *pokes f-list* because it seems like information which is just not shared enough.

Personally I have little to no embarrassment threshold when it comes to discussing sex or what turns me on. Anyone who knows me personally, knows this. *grins* I am, however, aware that I am somewhat in the minority when it comes to this and also that at times that can be a bit intimidating.

Communication between sexual partners on what they want/don't want seems to be an area fraught with problems and emotional land mines. I really, strongly feel that this is something people can help everyone with by discussing openly.

So, I declare open season. Answer my 3 questions and then feel free to ask anything else you want. Let's broaden each other's minds and swop some tips!

Comments

[beeej.livejournal.com]

*pokes you back*

#1. Discussion is important, as men simply cannot read minds. I have been in relationships with men who didn't respond well to suggestions, questions, or direction, as this was considered critisicsm of their manhood and all that rot. :P However, I have learned that the longer one goes without discussing it, the harder it is to even bring the topic up.

#2. With some men, - non-vocal types - the only way you're gonna know is to ask.

#3. Offended? Hell, I'd be thrilled! ;D

*grins*

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

*spanks you*

How have you dealt with the situations where discussing it has been like pulling teeth? Personaly I have always resorted to the 'let's watch porn together' option but I realise that may not be feasible in some situations.

Has anyone actually reacted badly to you trying to discuss sexual preferences with them?

Re: *grins*

[beeej.livejournal.com]

How'd I deal with the discussions that went badly? If things never improved, those relationships just didn't last. My second husband actually got mad if I tried to talk about things I liked and didn't like. But then, he had a serious inferiority complex and saw everything as a personal attack. I tried to make that work for quite a while, cause after all, he was hung like a fuckin horse. *g* But eventually he had to go.

Yeah

[evildrem.livejournal.com]

...it does seem like the only answer in the long term is to end the relationship. I always say that sex is not the most important part of a relationship but if something goes wrong with the sex then it's amazing how quickly everything else goes down the tubes.

Your second husband sounds like a right knob. Now that's something you learnt anyway but it's always interesting that the same factors that make people unbearable generally are often reflected in the way they are sexually as well. U agree?

Re: Yeah

[beeej.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. He was spoiled, selfish, and very insecure. And that's really a terrible combination. It manifested everywhere throughout our relationship. The day he told me that I was too concerned with my own happiness was the day I decided I wasn't going to put up with it any longer.

Luckily, while current husband isn't perfect, he's thoughtful, intelligent, and genuinely loves me, so he's much more willing to listen when I want to discuss our sex life, and open to working on things. Being willing goes a long way. But I do still find it awkward to get the discussion going.