Let's talk about sex..

[evildrem]

Okay people, this has been prompted by a number of conversations I seem to have had recently.

*1* How do you deal with educating your partner in your sexual needs?

*2* How do you go about finding out if your partner is enjoying themselves or enjoying what you are doing?

*3* Would you be offended if your partner made suggestions on how to improve your sexual relationship?

I'd love some input here from all of you *pokes f-list* because it seems like information which is just not shared enough.

Personally I have little to no embarrassment threshold when it comes to discussing sex or what turns me on. Anyone who knows me personally, knows this. *grins* I am, however, aware that I am somewhat in the minority when it comes to this and also that at times that can be a bit intimidating.

Communication between sexual partners on what they want/don't want seems to be an area fraught with problems and emotional land mines. I really, strongly feel that this is something people can help everyone with by discussing openly.

So, I declare open season. Answer my 3 questions and then feel free to ask anything else you want. Let's broaden each other's minds and swop some tips!

Comments

[pat-t.livejournal.com]

This is interesting. *g*
*1* How do you deal with educating your partner in your sexual needs?

Now that one is tough. Many men take any kind of *education*, no matter how thoughtfully put, as criticism.
I've dated men who were so selfish that I could have slapped them upside the head with the information and they just weren't hearing. One guy only liked to have oral sex -- with *him* the only recipiant. No matter what I said, he didn't care and would not budge. Oh, he would occasionally give in and have penetrative sex, but it was more for his benefit than mine. He did absolutely nothing to insure that it would be pleasurable for both of us. When it got so bad that I had to completely delete salt out of the rest of my diet, I finally said bye-bye and dropped him from my dating list. (This was in nursing school - the first time *g*-- Gee, wonder why I failed?)
Cody's dad was great. Very responsive and interested. All I had to do was mention something I wanted to try or tell him what I wanted or liked and he went out of his way to make it a great experience. But then it turned out while he was great in the sex department, he was a giant dickhead in every other possible way.
Jerry is somewhere in the middle. He's willing to listen, but I've always had to be very careful and gentle because his ego would get bruised very easily. Ergo, it was never really easy telling him what I wanted if it was different from what he was used to delivering. I've even had a grumbled complaint that his first wife or other women didn't have any problems (as in seeing my *needs* as something alien as it wasn't something other women had asked for). *shrugs*

2* How do you go about finding out if your partner is enjoying themselves or enjoying what you are doing?
hmm, this one is kind of out there for me. What I mean is that I think it's easier for a woman to tell if a man is enjoying himself than a man (or even another woman) to tell if a woman is enjoying herself. Lets face it, women are the great sexual con artists. We fake orgasms, pleasure, you name it. And how does a man or other woman really know? With men, it's easier. Either he's hard or he's not, and you know when he comes or is getting close. Much harder for them to fake if they are either enjoying themselves or losing interest. Also, men don't really seem to take the same care with their partner's egos as women do. And I mean this as a generalization, of course. Not all men are like that.

But if you really want to know, the easiest way is to just ask "does this feel good?" "Do you like this?"

*3* Would you be offended if your partner made suggestions on how to improve your sexual relationship?
Not at all. The guy who took my virginity was wonderful with this. And I don't think I've ever had a problem with guys who made a suggestion or wanted to try something different.

Of course, you must remember, I've been married for 29 years (together for 30), so I've only had sex with 2 different guys in all that time.